was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
