my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
