Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
