I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
