We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
