you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
