so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
