Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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