im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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