I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will