Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.