I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You can't motorboat a personality
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.