You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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