Umm I'm too high to move.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.