Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.