Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
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he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
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Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.