I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
