Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
