Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
