just tell him i said nine months
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
