If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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