you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
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