I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
