Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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