Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
