I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
