I think i peed on brittanys purse
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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