babies were throwing up all over the place
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
