kristin has been a bad kristin
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Do you remember whose house we're in?
i think im in europe. pls send help
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
