I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize