sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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