White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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