Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
