I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
