I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
