worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
