Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
