He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
