Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
