You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
