I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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