if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
