Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize