Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
