did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
