On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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