yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
