it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
they're like a gay fantastic four
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
