I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
