Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Operation Purity has been aborted
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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