If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
