Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
