Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
