I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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