If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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