Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
