I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
