I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
