I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
