just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
