Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
