where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
