she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
