I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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