Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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