omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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