Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
smell my finger.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
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It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
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I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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