Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
