the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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