Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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