This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
