Your tits are I can't wait for
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
When are your genitals available?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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